I sometimes hear from wives who have read that it’s best to remain calm when your husband is asking for or saying that he wants a divorce. The reason for this is that your panic can cause you to do or say all of the wrong things and to make the divorce that much more likely. This makes sense on the surface. Saying that you should remain calm is easy. But actually doing it can be very difficult if not impossible. When what you fear the most is staring you right in face, it can be very difficult to reign in your feelings.

I heard from a wife who said: “I know that I should be calm and shouldn’t panic, but this is a divorce that we are talking about. This is my life. This is my marriage. We are talking about the heart and not about our heads. How are you supposed to remain calm when the man who you love most in the world, and the father of your children, is telling you that he wants a divorce? I want to keep my cool, but I just don’t see how I can.”

Believe it or not, I intimately understand this topic. I was anything but calm when my own husband told me he wanted a separation and then divorce. And I fully realize that I am advising you to be calm when I myself was anything but. With that said, my inability to remain calm meant that I panicked. As a result, I acted in such a way that made my husband want to divorce me that much more quickly. My feeling toward and advice about remaining level headed is the direct result of the mistakes I made that almost cost me my marriage. However, changing course wasn’t easy, especially since I had gotten into the habit of overreaching. But, through trial, error, and the knowledge that I had to change or lose my husband, I found some ways to calm myself down. I will share them with you below.

Keep Yourself Busy With Things You Actually Enjoy: You are going to feel the void of your husband more deeply if you dwell on it in a house where he is not present. I know that you might feel as if you just want to stay home and look at wedding photos while listening to your song. But, if you do these things, you’re likely to be negatively affected by this and be inspired to do something that you might later regret.

It truly is best to keep yourself busy so you don’t have the time to dwell on something to which you don’t yet know the outcome. A divorce isn’t granted over night. You may not have endless time, but you often have some time. If you spend that time nagging, following, or arguing with your husband, you aren’t going to help your cause very much.

But, if you spend that time remaining busy and doing the things that allow you to act and respond more positively, then this is very likely to help your cause. Many wives do understand this on an intellectual level, but then when it comes down to actually calming down and backing up, they don’t know where to start.